The Weight of Our Past
Growing up, it often felt like life was already written for me. In a tough town like Youngstown, Ohio—a place shaped by hardworking blue-collar families, economic struggles, and crime—it was easy to fall into the same cycles and patterns as those around me. It was a place where conflict wasn’t just an occasional occurrence, it was a way of life. I learned to fight young, to react instead of reflect, and to survive rather than dream. Breaking cycles often seemed so distant to everyday life, that it made pipe dreams feel like the sun coming up in the morning.
But deep down, I always felt the weight of my actions. Every fight, every bad decision, every moment I let my anger win—I felt it. I wanted to be more, to do more, but I didn’t know how to break free from the cycle I was caught in.
Growing Up in the Cycle
My childhood was filled with struggles that shaped my understanding of the world. My father had a temper and battled addiction, and that instability set the tone for much of my early life. My brother later became a heroin addict, caught in a different but equally destructive cycle. My mother was the rock of our family, even while she fought cancer, but even her strength couldn’t shield me from the path I was headed down.
When I was nine years old, my parents divorced. That moment changed everything. The sense of family I clung to was suddenly split, and I was left trying to make sense of two different worlds. My dad was tough on me—sometimes too tough—but over time, I learned to forgive. I came to realize that holding onto resentment only weighed me down. I began to understand that we’re all human, all learning at our own pace, and most of us are just doing the best we can with the cards we’ve been dealt.
As I got older, I started to see that people often act out of their own pain—their upbringing, the trauma they’ve endured, the losses they’ve never really faced. I stopped holding grudges and started letting go, because carrying that bitterness only held me back. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing someone’s behavior—it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of it.
The Moment of Realization
Change didn’t come all at once. There wasn’t one single moment where everything clicked, but a series of realizations that built over time. Seeing my brother struggle with addiction, watching my mother fight for her life, feeling the weight of my own bad decisions—it all made me realize that if I didn’t change, I would lose everything. I was tired of the guilt, tired of feeling trapped in a version of myself that I knew wasn’t who I was meant to be.
The biggest turning point, though, was starting my own family. Having three sons and a wife who truly believed in me made me realize that I had a responsibility—not just to them, but to myself. I didn’t want my kids to grow up seeing the same patterns I did. I wanted to be a better man, to set an example of what it means to grow, to learn, to break free.
“It’s not your fault how someone treated you poorly, but it’s damn sure your responsibility to do something to fix it.” – Will Smith
That quote stuck with me. For years, I let my past define me, but I finally realized that the only person keeping me trapped was me. And the truth is—even if people care, they still have their own lives and problems to manage. It’s on you to take charge of your growth. That quote resonated because I was already living that truth. I knew I had to forgive and move on, not for others, but for myself.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone else—if I can change, so can you.
Steps to Move from a Reactive Mindset to an Empathetic One
- Acknowledging the Past Without Letting It Define You
I had to accept where I came from, but that didn’t mean I had to stay there. The past can be a lesson, but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence. - Breaking Generational Patterns
I made a conscious choice to be different for my children. To teach them that strength isn’t about fighting—it’s about understanding, resilience, and knowing when to walk away. - Choosing Growth Over Anger
It’s easy to react with anger, but it takes real strength to pause, reflect, and respond with empathy. Learning to control my emotions instead of letting them control me changed everything. - Taking Small Steps to Make a Difference
I know one person can’t change the world alone but refusing to do anything isn’t in me anymore. Whether it’s being a positive influence in my town, working to lift others up, or simply showing kindness where it’s unexpected, every small action matters.
Why I Still Fight for a Better World
Today, I have a stable job, a beautiful family, and a deeper sense of purpose. But even though my personal life has improved, I can’t ignore the struggles of those around me. I still see the pain, the conflict, the cycles that keep people trapped—and it hurts too much to do nothing.
I don’t just want a better world for my family; I want a better world for everyone. And even though I know how difficult it is to create change, I also know that doing nothing isn’t an option.
This is why I started Evolved From Empathy. I want to share my story, to connect with others who have felt the same struggles, and to prove that change is possible. We can break the cycle. We can grow, evolve, and make the world a better place—one person, one conversation, one act of empathy at a time.
How You Can Start Breaking Cycles
- Start with one small change – Whether it’s choosing not to argue, reaching out to someone who needs support, or forgiving someone who’s hurt you, small steps lead to big shifts.
- Ask yourself before reacting: “What am I really feeling, and what outcome do I want?” That pause can change everything.
- Write it out – Journaling helped me recognize patterns I didn’t even know I had. Reflection gives you clarity.
- Remember that growth isn’t linear – You’ll have setbacks. That’s okay. Keep moving forward.
If my journey resonates with you, I hope you’ll join me in this mission. Let’s challenge ourselves to be better, not just for ourselves, but for the world around us. Because real strength isn’t found in conflict—it’s found in the courage to change.